I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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