so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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