OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
