I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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