I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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