Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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