I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
