I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
