dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
