When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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