I'm really into asian looking animals
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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