I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
