Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am naked and annoyed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
