yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he thought i was a dude.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize