when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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