i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
