I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
