Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
