Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
