well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
