Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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