just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
