It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
