The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
