The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
