oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
