clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
