We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize