I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
