There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
