Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
