i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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