So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
