she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
