How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
