If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize