I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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