Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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