Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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