guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize