Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
