He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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