I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
