People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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