"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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