Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize