I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
