So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
