About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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