Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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