I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
