They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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