she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
