And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
