I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
