dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
