could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
