remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
