smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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