Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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