i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
