You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
