Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
