You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
