Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
