Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
