Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
