Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
