Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
