He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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